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Yesterday’s post was dedicated to the men and their role in marriage, you can read that post here. Today’s post is dedicated to the ladies. This is a VERY important post and I pray that every woman, whether single or married will get to read it and assimilate the principles contained here, in her spirit.

I pray that God will help you see your role in marriage in this new light, HIS new light, and that you will have a happy and successful marriage in Jesus’ name.

God showed Gathoni & me that the reason many marriages were failing was that they lacked wisdom. People simply did not know what to do, and this led to the failure of most marriages. I pray that through this post you will get to understand the heart of God in regards to marriage and that you will be the WISE woman who Proverbs 14 talks about

The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].

Proverbs 14:1 (AMP)

Unmet Expectations

The months leading up to our wedding were a flurry of activities. Planning a wedding is nothing but complicated chaos. In the midst of all this, Gathoni was the one most excited to get married. She constantly told me how she could not wait to get married, how she had waited for that moment her entire life. She told me how she could not wait to take long dreamy walks in the setting sun every evening & cuddle in bed every night. She could not imagine how it would be spending every waking moment with each other, loving each other all along.

Somehow, all this scared me. I had a bad feeling deep down in my heart that she was setting up herself to be really disappointed. I was also excited to get married, but I felt in my heart that things would not be as rosy as Gathoni described them to be.

Severally, we talked about this, but she told me that it would be foolish not to expect the best. She felt like I was a prophet of doom and that I should just let her dream, besides our dating life was not too far off from what she dreamed about.

When we got married, my fears came to pass and Gathoni was really disappointed. For her, it felt as if someone had given her a big present for Christmas. But when she unwrapped it, there was a worthless toy covered by layers of wrapping paper. She was so disappointed in the marriage, but most specifically me.

The date nights, the long walks, and warm cuddles rarely happened. The long, wonderful love-filled texts were replaced with ordinary conversation. For her, it felt as if she had been lured into some crafty pyramid scheme, only to realize it was a hoax. When we talked about this, I told her that I had warned her not to get her hopes too high. Gathoni told me that expectations are a way of life, it would be impossible to expect nothing, especially from a marriage that you have waiting and saving yourself for.

The Two Water Glasses

Two classes of water on a wood board

Think about it this way. When one gets married you are like a glass of water. You come half full or completely full.

Your expectation is that when you get married, your partner (The other half) will fill you up and you will become full (Whole). The only problem is that your other partner is expecting the same too and now it will be a game of filling each other up while emptying the other person.

This was the scenario in our marriage. Gathoni & I both came with our glasses half full. We hoped (expected) that the other person will fill up our glass for us to feel full (become whole). The only problem was that whenever we poured out (SERVED) the other person we felt empty. This was such a big issue in our young marriage.

The Bible commands the wife to submit and respect her husband while the husband is commanded to love his wife. All these are acts of service (pouring yourself out) to your spouse. The only problem is that, if your glass is half full, you will remain empty and you will now be blaming and pushing your spouse to pour in your glass too.

That is what Gathoni felt. She felt as if she was always pouring herself (serving me) out, while I was not doing the same back to her. She felt empty and constantly told me that our marriage was draining her. I, on the other hand, felt as if she was constantly nagging me and not giving me my space. She was always moody & unhappy and it frustrated me. I never wanted to be close to her during such times. Our marriage was crumbling and we did not know why.

God’s Solution

God showed us a principle that is hidden in a verse that we had read hundreds of times but had not seen it

Wives, submit to your own husbands, AS TO THE LORD.

Ephesians 5:22

The principle lay in the last segment of this popular verse. That meant that when Gathoni was serving me, she was not doing it for me, but she was doing it as unto the Lord. Look at it this way.

You are tasked by your company to go out to the field and help small-scale farmers set up their farms. So you go and start working amongst the farmers. When it comes time to get paid, the farmers are unable to pay you and you get mad at it and quit your job. When you go to resign at your office, your boss tells you that it’s not the farmers who were to pay you, but the head office who had sent you there in the 1st place.

That was the same thing that God was telling Gathoni. Her only issue was that she was depending on me (the farmers) to fill up her glass (compensate her) while all along it was God (head office) who was responsible for her compensation (filling up her glass). See this gem of a verse

And whatever you do, do it heartily, AS TO THE LORD and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24

The Secret to a Long & Happy Marriage

Dear ladies, this is the secret to a long & happy marriage. You have to remember always as you serve your husband that he is not the one who has hired you. Your boss is the LORD. He is the one who is responsible to compensate you & to fill up your cup. The reason why Gathoni was filling empty is that she kept pouring herself out until she was running on empty. All the while expecting me, who is a fallen & imperfect human, to fill up her glass. As usual, I fell short, and she was so disappointed.

When you do it as unto the Lord, He will fill you up and make you whole. That is why you will no longer be running after your husband, nagging him and begging him to stay with you, so that you can feel like you matter.

He is not your source, your source is the LORD.

That is why even though you are serving your husband, you are doing it for the LORD. Thus, it is so important for you as a married or single woman to spend time in the presence of the Lord. Ask Him to fill up your cup, let Him make you whole.

Where there are cracks on your glass in form of pain, abuse, rejection & low esteem, the Lord will heal those broken areas, and fill you up to the brim. No human being alive can ever do that for you, and if you are still waiting on someone to do this, my dear you will be so disappointed.

A Marriage of Full Glasses

A happy marriage is a marriage of two WHOLE people who are relying on God, and not each other to be made complete. That is the marriage that God intended. Not one founded on the dependence on each other, but one founded on FULL dependence on God.

If your glasses are full, anything you pour out (acts of service) onto your partner will be an OVERFLOW, and the same for them too. (Cup runneth over 😂😂😂😂)

And if you are yet to get married, spend time in prayer, meditation & reading the word of God. Let God FULLY work on you, repair you and fill you up. So that when you go into marriage, you will go in with the RIGHT expectation, the one that seeks to serve others and not JUST to be served, because you know that at the end of the day, it is the Lord who will reward you!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY


Please share it with someone who needs this

Comments

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    This is very insightful. So many of us think that being filled by our partners is less tedious as compared to being filled by God which takes time and dedication.

    • Fran
      Reply

      Glad I came across this, I’ve been feeling empty and blaming my husband. The verses speak to me, I pray that this is the beginning of a renewed marriage.

  • Ann P
    Reply

    woow, instead of my better half its my better full. amazing!

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    This was so timely just when you feel like throwing in the towel. God bless you Ben for the insightful blog.

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    This is the therapy session I was looking for. I was at the end of my marriage and this had changed my perspective completely. I can even pay the money here instead of going to our therapist

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