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This is a follow up to part 1 that you can read here.

Something very subtle happened in the early months of our marriage. A sneaky little bastard, I may call it, almost wreaked our marriage. Allow me to start with this bible verse from the wisest man who ever walked this earth

Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming! Young Woman

Song of solomon 2:15

This is the meat of this blog today, the little foxes that ruin the vineyard of love. These are the words of the Shulamitte woman, who is the female figurine and the object of Solomon’s love in this beautiful love letter. The lady is advising her fellows, telling them to catch these little foxes that ruin the vineyard of love. There are very many foxes, but today I shall focus on one little one that almost sent our young marriage to the docks of divorce. A little fox that I would want y’all in marriage and those waiting in the wings, to catch before it ruins the vineyard of your relationship.

That little sneaky fox is Busyness.

Love Drunk

During our dating days, all we had to think, dream, desire and imagine about was each other. We were in a little bubble, Gathoni & I. No one and nothing else mattered other than us. Our world revolved around the axis of our love for each other. We loved each other very deeply and extravagantly. Every waking moment we spent together. I rushed off work as soon as the clock hit 4:59pm, I then walk-run all the way to the bus stop. Finally, I carefully picked the newest and shiniest matatu that would get me home the fastest. All this time, Gathoni was all I could think about, I was like a man obsessed, what Solomon in Proverbs 5 describes as being always intoxicated in her love. That was me. I was as a man intoxicated, drunk in her love

The Early Days

We could not wait to finally tie the knot. And live forever together in unending bliss and romance. We literally were two living emojis with love hearts in our eyes. Ours was an epic story of passion, romance and burning love. We could not, even if we tried, imagine a world where this love would one day die down and smoke would be the only proof that it once existed. Uknown to us, as our vineyard was blooming, a little fox was slowly weaving it’s way into our garden and it was so small that we hardly even noticed it.

The vineyard was in such bloom and the harvest so plenty that we forgot to put up a fence, and a tough one at that. And because there was no fence around our vineyard (marriage), little foxes began to creep under the grapevines, uprooting them from the root and destroying our vineyard.

That little fox’s name was Busyness.

Now that we were married, we had many things to worry about. We now had to move to a better neighbourhood, and also I figured that my small bachelor pad was not fit for a queen like Gathoni. Also, came the societal expectation of dressing well, owning a car, and purchasing a plot or a home. Before long, all these ‘good things’ took our focus away from the most important thing which was each other.

And it was only a matter of time before we started noticing that all was not well in our beautiful orchard of love. The gaps and cracks were too big to ignore, we were slowly drifting apart and we did not even notice it. Now, all I thought about was becoming successful. The pursuit of wealth and the drive to achieve more became my all consuming passion. The little fox was ruining the vineyard and it was almost too late when we began to notice the kind of damage it was wrecking in our marriage.

Catch The Little Fox

This is why the Shulamitte woman is advising us to catch those little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of your love. Gathoni & I realised that if we wanted to save our marriage then we had to catch that little sneaky fox. Our vineyard at this time was almost as barren as the Sahara, where once existed a beautiful orchard, now was nothing but a site for sore eyes. The 1st thing was to catch this little fox and cast it out of our marriage, and this is what the Lord placed in our heart to do.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;

    bind them around your neck,

    write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 3:3

The Lord told us that the only way to arrest this fox was to simply change our focus. We had to bring it back to each other. That is what Solomon says when he speaks about Love & Faithfulness. He instructs us to bind it around our neck and write it on the tablet of our heart (sub-conscious mind). This is so that we may never forget about it. For it to be always and forever on our mind. What that little fox does is that, it keeps you so busy on the rat race that you take your eyes off your vineyard (marriage). That fox keeps dangling a ‘money’ carrot in front of you, so that it keeps you chasing that elusive bag. The only issue is that we did not know that there would be a casualty to securing that bag. And that casualty was our marriage. So, Solomon advises us to catch this fox, and change our focus back to the pursuit of love and faithfulness.

Never Stop Pursuing Each Other

And so, now that we are wiser, we know the importance of prioritising our marriage over the pursuit of success. That is why you should never let Love leave your marriage, because once it does then unfaithfulness will soon follow and a host of other demons straight from the pits of hell. The genesis of the problems we faced in our marriage was because we simply changed our focus. We prioritised ‘good things’ over ‘important things’.

Having money is really good, but having a great marriage is more important. How sad would it be if I got to the top of my dreams and then realise that I left Gathoni at the bottom. God then went ahead to teach us a lesson on what we call priority, what comes before the other. This was because the only issue was that I wanted both success and a good marriage, was there a way that I could get both instead of just choosing one? This is when God led us to the follow up of Proverbs 3:3

Then you will win favor and a good name

    in the sight of God and man.

Proverbs 3:4

That is what we were missing, favor and a good name, not only in the sight of God, but also of man. Favor is what will get open doors that no one in your family has ever opened, favor will have customers beating a path to your door, favor will have you granted opportunities that are way beyond your qualification and connection, favor will seat you in high places.

That is favor, my friends. And that is what Solomon realised. When you prioritise to pursue love and faithfulness in your marriage, everything else (great marriage, amazing family, open doors, respect et al) that you need will be generously added to you as well.

To God Be All Glory


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