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Photo by @mwarv on Kenyatta Avenue

Today, we address the wives. I pray that you will be open to what the Lord has to say to you today. I ask you to read this with an open mind, to be open to instruction. Read this and then ask the Holy Spirit to instruct & to teach you. I pray that you will not ignore this or just read and then carry on with your daily life. I pray that you will let the Lord work in & through you to save your marriage. God does not want us just to exist or survive in marriage, He wants us to THRIVE. To become our best and to be all that God intended us to do & become.

Most ladies, will say that the problem with their marriage is their husband. “If only my husband would change, our marriage will be amazing“, some would say. “Why do I have to change when he is the one with the issues“, others would say. You will find a group of married women seated together all sharing how they would be having the time of their lives, if only their husbands would listen to them and CHANGE.

A lot of women today feel powerless to change their marriage. They have tried ‘everything’ and yet their marriage just keeps on getting worse & worse. They cannot get their husbands to do the ‘right’ thing. Gathoni for so long felt frustrated in our marriage. She felt powerless in trying to get me to change, it was as if her worst nightmare was stuck on replay. Many times she tried to get us to go for therapy, but I just thought I’d rather watch paint dry than sit across a therapist only interested in telling me that she was right and I was wrong!

Most, if not all marriages, will get to this point sooner rather than later. The natural (innate) tendency of a wife to get her husband’s attention will be, to COMPLAIN & CRITICISE. Most view it as “I am simply telling my husband what is wrong with him“, in the hope that he will get with the program & change. Nothing can be further from the truth & more dangerous in a marriage than these two words (C&C). The bible warns us severally to abstain from complaining & criticising, here are just but a few examples;

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike

A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife’s quarrelling is a continual dripping of rain.

Proverbs of Solomon
Most husband totally relate to this man

So, ladies the more you complain & criticise, the more your husband will drift further off from you (Just imagine him trying to squeeze into a corner of the roof, just to get away from you). There is nothing in this world more annoying & a bigger turn-off than a quarrelsome wife. And yet, many wives do it out of ignorance & so called ‘love’ for their husbands.

Gathoni’s frustration in trying to get me to change, led her to seek for answers from the bible. And God in His infinite wisdom & kindness, revealed this to her….

The Only Way To ‘WIN’ Over Your Husband

This little secret here ladies, is worth all the riches in the world. If you ever felt powerless to save your marriage & win over your husband then the word of God has the perfect solution for this

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be WON without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your RESPECTFUL and pure conduct.

1st Peter 3:1-2

These two tiny verses contain a principle that will absolutely turn around your marriage, if you are open & humble enough to receive correction. Peter says that you can be able to WIN over your husband without even having to say ONE WORD!!!! Mark this ladies, that is why all your criticising & complaining will just add more gasoline to your already burning marriage. The secret is not words but your behaviour. RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOUR. (I talked at length about RESPECT in this post here.)This is the key to win over your husband, and most importantly to get him ‘to do’ that which you desire. Let me further expound on this.

The Love & Respect Cycle;

In all the marriages where the wives are feeling unloved, frustrated and powerless this is what is at play beneath the surface. (Remember that all this is happening unknowingly, none of the partners do this intentionally and that is why it so deadly and difficult to discover)

The only way to break this ‘Vicious cycle‘ is what 1st Peter 3 calls, ‘RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOUR’. What then happens is that your husband naturally will respond to you in LOVE. The true kind of love, the 1st Corinthians 13 kind of love. That which is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful or proud. The one that does not dishonour you & most importantly that is not self-seeking (puts you first).

Do you now see what kind of power you have!!!! If all wives would just know and master this principle then so many marriages will be saved today and they will be more happy-ever-after stories. Gathoni shared this on her Instagram the other day and I found it so brilliant.

How to Get Your Husband to “Do What You Want”😂 😜

Men are suckers for respect. And when you respect them, they will love you unselfishly and put YOUR needs before their own. Men naturally love themselves 😂 😂 😂 and will rarely think of someone else unless they are madly in love. I witnessed this personally not too long ago.

We covered a wedding of a couple that was a bit older than the ones we were used to. The couple had lived together for many years and they were simply solemnising their union. The groom was middle aged and he was very wealthy, he owned a multinational group of companies. He was a man’s man, macho to the very core. He was in charge & in control, easily issuing direction and instruction the entire day. He was used to power, it showed effortlessly. One of the most interestingly thing as I observed him and his wife the entire day, was the overwhelming way in which he loved her. He was like a child around her, it was fascinating to watch. It looked like he was obsessed/intoxicated (As Proverbs 5:19 says) by her. Everything that she wanted he did for her.

I was very curious to find out how his wife (who was very ordinary and humble) was able to make this billionaire business mogul be this crazy about her. The answer came during their wedding reception. When the couple were asked to say something to each other, the groom started by saying that he was crazy about her and that he wanted to work even harder so that he would give her everything that she wanted. (Fascinating right?). When his wife was given an opportunity to talk, she shared her ‘secret’ (unknowingly) on how she got this manly man this crazy in love, even after living together for so many years. She humbly said that “May God help me to respect and honour you even more”.

Most in the reception missed it, but I noted it in my heart and marvelled at such a wonderful display of this simple principle of love and respect.

Ladies, the way to get your mans to do what you want is to give him the only thing he craves, RESPECT & HONOUR. Interestingly, God made it that the only way to get what you want, is to selfishly give your partner what they need. How interesting is our God!

Final Warning Ladies!

The Lord reminded me of the story of Sarah. Abraham’s Sarah. Sarah was a strong and smart woman. She knew that the only way she could get her husband to do what she wanted was to give him what he needed.

For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

1st Peter 3:5

This is a whole sermon by itself. The bible tells us to do what is right “RESPECT” and not be afraid (As culture tells us) to be made a doormat by your husband. As you now know, your respect will lead automatically to his undying love.

In Genesis 16, the bible tells the story of Sarah(Sarai) & Hagar. Sarah was without child and she was tired of waiting. So, she asked Abraham (Abram), to go lay with her Egyptian slave, Hagar, which he agreed to (Even though it was wrong & against the will/plan of God). Hagar then got a pregnant, and it frustrated Sarah & made her mad. She then blamed it on her husband, even though she knew all along it was her who made her husband do it. Finally, she mistreated Hagar until she ran away.

This story clearly depicts the danger of this new power that you now wield over your husband. Your husband will automatically do anything that you want and wish, and this is where all the danger lies. Even though you may think that you know what is right, it may be absolutely wrong and against the will of God. The bible reminds us this

So, I would implore you, to always seek the Lord about the direction of your family. Even though your husband is the head of the home, you will have a very heavy influence in the direction that your family takes. (Like the example of Sarah). Ask God to help you be an influence for good, not just to get your ‘OWN’ way, but that the Lord will use you to give good & Godly direction to your husband. Again that is why the verse reminds the wives that…

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 14:1

I pray that God will give you Godly wisdom, that you may influence your husband in the right way and that your marriage may THRIVE in Jesus’ name!

Even though we were supposed to talk about the in-laws today, God woke me up and asked me to address this as a precursor to the difficult issue of dealing with your in-laws. Now, that it is out of the way, I pray that you will be open to what the spirit has to say about this issue. (God willing, tomorrow). We love you all!!

To God Be The Glory

The Kiruthis

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  • Rainekesa

    Thank you so much!! This was really insightful. I am not yet married, but I’m certain all this wisdom will come in handy once I’m in the sacred institution.
    Can’t wait to glean on more wisdom on handling the in-laws.

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