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Two very shy individuals got married on that day. We had had quite the great run with our courtship. It was time we got married, we figured. We could not stay away from each other. The love was too much, it felt like it was just about to consume us. Paul wrote in one of his most famous letters to the Corinthians that it is better to marry than to burn with passion. There were never two better candidates for this than Gathoni & I. On that glorious on Valentine’s day morning, the two of us tied the proverbial knot. And so began the long sojourn of two souls to become one.

One of the things, looking back in retrospect, that we have come to learn, is that God never gives you a finished product. The past 7 years and 9 months have taught us that, most of it learned through a lot of pain & tears. When the two of us got married, each of us were given ingredients or better yet raw materials. Think about those cooking challenges on TV, marriage is something of the sort.

On the wedding day, the officiating minister via God, hand you a basketful of ingredients in form of a partner. The whole purpose is for you to prepare for yourself a meal and then enjoy the meal. For example, if you decide to prepare for yourself a Spanish omelette. The ingredients themselves, (the eggs, onions, capsicum, chillies, tomatoes and salt) do not taste good when eaten a lone. What we came to realise is that marriage is all about preparing a meal using those ingredients and then eating the meal yourself. It is like making your bed and then lying in it, preparing your cake and then eating it, building a house and then living in it. That is something that Gathoni & I never knew on that glorious morning the two of us got married.

Beautiful Houses

Right before we got married, I used to admire some of the married couples we came across. They both looked so nice, beautiful physiques, loads of money, lived in beautiful homes, had such an amazing relationship together. I used to look at them and desire to have a marriage just like the one they had. I always imagined such wonderful marriages just happened, by sheer luck. It was about marrying the right person. I had heard a lot being said that marriage was all about finding a good & right partner. It was really a hit and miss. If you got a right partner, then you would be assured of the happy ever after, but woe to you if you ended up with Mr or Miss Wrong, then you were doomed to unhappily ever after.

Not Entirely True

In some cases, the above may be true. There are some people that are just born bad. Evil to the core and no amount of redemption can save them.

Though, in majority of the cases, a good marriage is not pegged upon marrying the right person. In actual fact, even I who was getting married was not Mr. Right. No one is. And it is chasing after the wind, to attempt to look for Mr or Miss Right. Everyone who gets married is just a bunch of raw materials packaged as a spouse. Sand, cement, blocks of stone, steel and water. Your work, when you get married is to build a house that you can or desire to live in. For anyone who has built anything, they know how tedious, long, tiring and stressful the building process is. That is what marriage simply is. So, there are no right partners, just right raw materials. It all depends on the kind of house you want to live in. That means that you have to have the vision and the faith to see the finished product, before you start building. The completed house, the 3-d render of what your spouse could be. That indeed is what God sees. He does not see the raw materials, he see the finished building.

Build your House

That means if that spouse in your house is not ideal, then it is up to you to build the house that you desire. For so long, both Gathoni & I believed that we just had to live with our mistakes (By marrying each other). We never knew that we were just looking at the raw materials. God told us that it was up to each of us to build the partner we wanted to see. Just like the proverbial greener grass on the other side of the fence. Beautiful lawns don’t just happen. They take a lot of work, love, patience, care and time. So, instead of us admiring other people’s marriages, it was up to us to build our own. Interestingly, the house we built was the one we got to enjoy living in. Building a wonderful marriage takes a lot of patient labour, but you two alone get to enjoy the benefits of having one. God led Gathoni & I to this beautiful verse in Ephesians 5

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies 

In the same way as God cleanses and purifies the church, husbands and wives purify each other too. The best thing is that the purpose is to present the church to himself. Therefore through a husband loving his wife and the wife respecting her husband, they build their home. That is the work that is involved in building a marriage.

Finally fam,, go home and build your marriages. Husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands unconditionally, then write to me and tell me how much your marriage has become a joy to live in. You can bake your own cake and eat it!


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