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For the past week, social media has been awash with amorous tales and sexual escapades of married folk. The institution of marriage has taken quite a hit, and the culprit is the ancient enemy: infidelity. The bible tells us that there is nothing new under the sun. Sex was God’s gift to the married couple, but unfortunately, a lot of it has not been confined to the marriage bed. Way before Christianity came to Africa, our ancestors were overly strict when it came to infidelity, it almost always resulted in punishment by death or banishment. It was rated amongst the worst sins one would commit and it was better to be dead than to be caught in fornication or adultery. They must have known something then, of the danger of this hidden sin, something that we seem to have long forgotten.

Christianity on the other hand holds the same standard, if not higher. Throughout the bible sexual sin is highly condemned and it reiterates in many areas how sexual sin leads to the destruction of societies & humanity in general. It is not something to be dealt with lightly, its dangers are far worse than we could think or imagine. The culture that we live in today is neither Christian nor traditional African. Most of what we do and become has been borrowed heavily from our colonizers. We have not only learned their mannerisms & language but have also taken their behavior & culture to be our own. Slowly by slowly, we lost ourselves, culture & beliefs in the name of being modern. πŸ˜ͺ πŸ’”

Everything today has been highly sexualized, from the movies we watch, the internet to the way we dress, and this has really affected our habits and behavior. Today, more than ever, casual sex has gotten even more casual. For the unmarried, it’s no longer cool to wait till marriage, and for the married being faithful is laughable! πŸ˜ͺ πŸ’”

From the recent happenings this past week, a vernacular musician was caught in an ‘entanglement between his side dish and his wife πŸ‘«πŸ’πŸ’£πŸ˜­πŸ™Š. He came out clean and apologized, saying that it was just a mistake, he would never leave his wife. Most people were of the opinion that he should never have apologized as it’s the order of life nowadays while others lauded him for finally coming out clean. What most were trying to say was that cheating is now the new normal. It’s here to stay, everyone is doing it, we just have to live with it. So, why should someone apologize for doing the obvious? In fact, someone claimed that his wife cheated on him too. So, it was clearly a case of two can play the game.

Gathoni & I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Are we normalizing infidelity as a society? What is it that our African forefathers and Christ’s first followers knew that we do not? We know from Sunday School that one of the sins that made God punish Sodom & Gomorrah was sexual sin. What was it about sexual sin that made it so bad, that God would wipe out two entire cities? The answer lay in the sayings of the wisest man who ever lived, Solomon.

Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.

For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life.

Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?

Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?

So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.

Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house.

But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.

Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away.

Proverbs 6:25-33

The words above are so important. I would wish that anyone reading this to print/write it on a small paper and carry it in your wallet/purse. The book of Proverbs is a book of principles or laws. These are laws that govern human behavior, just like the law of gravity. The laws apply to both the godly & ungodly alike. No amount of prayer, fasting, or binding demons will break or bend a law. If you break it, you receive the judgment contained within the law, but if you obey it, you receive the reward contained in the law. PLEASE NEVER FORGET THIS FOR AS LONG AS YOU ARE ALIVE.

That is why it is very crucial to read and understand what Solomon is warning us in Proverbs 6. Solomon was a master of human behavior. God gave him a heart of understanding. If you want to be wise and understand deep things about human behavior, simply read the book of Proverbs. They are 31 chapters so, I would prescribe a chapter a day of Proverbs every month, your life will never ever be the same again.

Solomon’s View on Cheating

Solomon says that a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread. Simply meaning that getting casual sex is as easy as getting a loaf of bread. You can find a loaf of bread in every corner, easy for everyone to access. Sex is the same today, if you need to get laid, you only need to simply ask. Another thing we observed is that a lot of married people are cheating with other married folks. The reason behind this is simple. They both have something to lose, so the thrill is greater. That is why Solomon warns about sleeping with another man’s wife, he says that you will not go unpunished.

The folly/foolishness of cheating is assuming that no one will ever know. I realized that even though cheating is private, it is never personal, sooner or later you will get busted, and then everyone will know. Solomon gives the example of the thief who steals to satisfy his hunger. Interesting is that the thief had a very valid reason to steal as he was hungry.

If you would ask anyone who has been caught cheating, they will always give you a valid reason. Some say my wife never gives me sex, my husband does not love me anymore, ever since the kids came I have become second place, I don’t feel attracted to them anymore. All these are very valid reasons, very few people cheat just for the sake of it or just to spite their partners. Solomon says that even though the reason may be legit, the cheater must pay the price. It will cost him all the wealth in his house.

The Painful Price of Cheating

A few years back, a couple hired our services. They had a very lavish wedding. The husband was in senior management in a multinational company then. After a while, this man cheated on his wife, and later on, we heard that he had lost his senior position and was demoted to a much lower office. Everyone got to know about it and he lost his respected reputation & standing in society. Sadly, the girl he cheated with was a close friend to his wife. His few minutes of pleasure ruined his entire life and tore apart his young family.

Over the few years we have been married, Gathoni & I have witnessed and heard of numerous such cases from people known to us & also from the couples we get the honor of photographing their weddings.

Solomon, warns that a man who commits adultery has no sense since it only leads to the destruction of ONESELF. Adultery will destroy everything around you, starting with YOU! It will DESTROY you and as Solomon says, it will cost you everything that you have. That includes your spouse, children, livelihood, family, reputation, standing, EVERYTHING. It will leave you with Nothing. Never forget this

A moment of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of pain!

(No matter how HOT she is!!!)

Again King Lemuel’s mother in Proverbs 31 urgently pleads with the son this:

Do not spend your strength on WOMEN, your vigor on those who ruin kings.

Proverbs 31:3

Note, WOMEN! not one woman (We will talk about this in another post, THE POWER OF FOCUSING ON ONE WOMAN). King David and his son Solomon who were among two of the greatest kings in history were ruined by women. What about you, my brother? Do you think that you are mightier than these two kings? The path of promiscuity is littered with the carcasses of fallen soldiers. Refuse to be numbered with the statistic of those who history remembers as ruined by the ‘other’ woman.

The Solution to Cheating

The excerpt I quoted above from Proverbs 6, starts with the solution. The solution is in these words

Do not lust in your HEART after her beauty or let her captivate you with her EYES.

The solution to cheating and promiscuity is in the HEART & in the EYES. Solomon says that cheating starts when you lust after her in your heart and let your eyes be captivated by her. The solution is quite simple. Two words to be precise, LOVE & FAITHFULNESS.

The only way to prevent yourself from falling for another woman is to LOVE your wife. If you purpose in your heart to intentionally love your wife, then there will be no room for LUST to set up shop there. A heart filled with LOVE has no room left for LUST. Always remember that my brothers. Pray for God to give you back the desire for your wife, think loving thoughts about your wife, be captivated always by her beauty. I love this verse in Proverbs 5 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

A loving doe, a graceful deer– may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Next is FAITHFULNESS. Faithfulness starts with your eyes. Remember, we men are visual creatures. Our attraction is through our eyes. That means, for your to stay away from the ‘other’ woman and remain faithful to your wife, you have to be extra careful about what you look at.

Stay away from that deadly second look (to confirm πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚), long stares, and when talking to the other gender, keep your eyes at eye level. Avoid watching porn and looking at other women on Instagram. Guard jealously what you look at. As much as you can, LOOK AWAY brother. And if you cannot, FLEE! πŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

Get away from there and move to a different space. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. If you can let her (the ‘other’ woman) have your eyes, it will not be long before she has your heart and your loins too!

I leave you with the powerful words, that have become my new mantra going forward

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 3:3

To God Be the Glory,

The Kiruthis

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  • Anonymous

    another delightful teaching,God bless you beautiful servants.

  • Joy

    Thank you for highlighting this, it’s the elephant in the room in so many marriages. Very profound.

  • Joyce Wanyoike

    Thank you Kiruthi’s for being a relevant and influential voice in this generation. Your Ministry is blessed and you stand out representing the Kingdom of God.
    More Grace to you πŸ’ž

  • Nzaywa Joy

    Great piece , i am glad i found your blogs in time .May we be found faithful .

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