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For so long Gathoni and I were imprisoned by the imaginary prison of people’s opinions. Before we got married, every couple we met, told us how great marriage was, they all looked so perfect with their matching outfits and well-oiled faces.

Marriage is so amazing“, they all told us. “Our only regret is that we wished we got married earlier

And so Gathoni & I, jumped in, our backs laden with bags of heavy expectation. We could not wait to experience what all these married couples lived through every day.

Unfortunately, As the days wore on though, we realized that we had been duped! We felt like we had bought in into one of those ‘Greenhouse-Get-Rich-Quick’ schemes. That promise you wealth beyond your dreams and yet hardly deliver a cent.

Though, it was too late to bail, the ship had left the harbour and now we were sailing the high seas.

And so, like all the thousands before us, we found ourselves already cast in this script. We could not walk around with sunken & sullen faces, we felt that we had to display perfection. And so, we took on our roles with gusto and became the ‘Perfect’ couple. We told everyone how amazing married life was, all the time glowing in our newly found love. And even though we were struggling, we had to maintain the ‘status quo. Besides, we did not want to be the odd couple that cried wolf, even though all of us could see it amidst us.

We were imprisoned fam! And being a publicly Christian couple was even worse. Everyone, (we especially) believed that being a ‘good’ Christian was all that was needed to make a happy marriage. As a married couple, you had to portray a certain standard of perfection in the eyes of society. That is why every time a Christian couple was caught in adultery or when a Christian lied, or when they were caught being corrupt, It HID THE HEADLINES!

I believed that once one got saved, it was bad/unusual/wrong/unheard of, to fall for temptation.

Have some self-control man“, is what I kept on hearing.

By the grace of God stumbled across this gem of verse, the very words of Apostle Paul

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man;

1st Corinthians 10:13a (NKJV)

Free at Last!

This verse was our long waited for bail, out of the prison of people’s opinions. That meant that even though you are born again, full of the spirit, bound for heaven, you are NOT immune to temptation. It is normal, just like with everyone else. Even though I was married and saved, I would still struggle with staring at beautiful women. The desire for them would not just up and leave just because I was married or even born again.

Even though I was a Christian, I would still have the desire to bribe the policeman who caught me over-speeding on the Nairobi-Naivasha road, I would still get angry at those guys who cut me off in traffic, I would still shout at our children, I would still be prone to do all the sins that other people did. What I needed to hear that it was NORMAL to fall into temptation. And the reason is simply that I am still human!

One time, I got absolutely fed up with my struggle with lust. I told Gathoni to fast and pray with me so that God would take away that desire from me. I also started googling the ways in which one can get rid of their libido. I felt as if I was the only one who was stuggling with it. Every married person I met (especially those from the faith) looked like they were doing great, loving their wives and remaining faithful was a walk in the park for them.

Interestingly, God never granted us my desire. I still struggled with women, pornography et al, and I hated myself because I felt like I was not married or Christian enough. This verse (1st Cor 10:13) freed me completely. I realised that what I struggled with was not at all strange or abnormal, it was ordinary. And that is what gave Gathoni and I a voice to speak about it because many shied away from it, and here is the reason why.

The Fear of Getting Caught

Remember the story of the woman caught in Adultery and was brought to Jesus.

The church and society in general, have perfected this act. When someone is caught in sin, the church brings them to Jesus, while society stones them in the court of public opinion.

“How could they? Don’t they know that they are married? Oh they keep on pretending to be born again, look at them now!” Such a shame!

What this has done is that it has scared the rest of us to silence. You would rather die with your sin than be found out. When we look at what the ‘victim’ has been taken through, we keep silent and pretend to be perfect.

Smile & wave folks, just smile & wave!

But the reality is that, we are all suffering, born again or not, we are not immune to temptation and sin. We need to make it normal/ ordinary to struggle because at the end of the day we are all fallen.

White-Washed Tombs

Listen to what Jesus told the pharisees :

Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity

Matthew 23:27

Jesus was saying that we have become hypocrites. I can be holding my wife’s hand in public and opening car doors for her, all the while I am masturbating while taking a shower every morning.

I can be posting uplifting verses on my Instagram stories all the while I am chatting with my Ex on the DM.

We are a generation obsessed with aesthetics. We look amazing on the outside, with our make-up and well-tonged hair, all the while, we are full of dead men’s bones on the inside. It is about time, we all came out of our closets, our well-manicured picket fences, and told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

And the only way this will happen is if we stop stoning & crucifying those amongst us that have been discovered. (We all sin, just that we have not been caught yet)

Let us make it ok to come forward and say that I am struggling. Let us not be obsessed to look good on Instagram while tearing each other behind our bedroom walls. It is normal and ordinary to fall. It does not mean that you are weaker than the other person, it just means that you are human. This is what freed Gathoni & I, to share what we were going through and not to smile and wave. Let’s do away with this pressure we put on couples to be COUPLEGOALS. And let us give everyone the grace to be imperfect.

The Worst of Sinners

You know who this phrase was used to describe? Apostle Paul, yes Paul, the one who wrote almost half of the new testament. Listen to what he says of himself

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–OF WHOM I AM THE WORST.

1st Tim 1:15

When I try to imagine the worst of sinners, I think about those men who defile newly borns. Paul says that he was worse that those men, can you even imagine this!!!!

This verse floored & freed us completely.

Why would God entrust the worst sinner in the world to write almost half of the new testament? The Holy word of God?

It’s because God does not need your perfection to love you & use you. He loves you just as you are. Imperfect you, the fornicator you, the lier you, the you that is stuck in sexual addiction.

If Paul, who was arguably one of the most revered Saints who ever lived, could call himself the worst of sinners, then my friend you are free. Come out of that prison of pretending to be perfect.

We are all so fallen and in desperate need of a savior. Whether you are reading this from a club or you a pastoring an Internation ministry. None of us is worthy of casting the 1st stone, any stone to be precise.

TO GOD BE ALL GLORY


Please share it with someone who needs this

Comments

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    Indeed Christ came to save sinners not saints.

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    Wow wow wow! So freeing to hear this, thank you

  • Ibra
    Reply

    We need this kind of truth to save many ill and failing marriages. Thank you Ben and Gathoni. Glory to God in the Highest

  • EVANS Ngeno
    Reply

    Thank you so much for being real, true and authentic

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    Authentic

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    I am loving these articles. Thank you for being real. God bless you.

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    Wooow

  • Erene
    Reply

    You have spoke so much truth. The pretense of perfect marriages has killed many. It is ok to say, we are struggling and we need help. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Thank you for this! This is so encouraging to know we all go through ups and downs and it can get better if we hold on.

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    Thank you for being vulnerable and telling your truth, currently I feel like giving up on mine

  • Anonymous
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing. It has taken us 12 yrs of marriage to get to an amazing stage yet where my spouse is my best friend again. We’ve been through alot, we have fought, cheated, yes both cheated, almost divorced many times. …. but God. He restores and now more now than ever before, we appreciate what we have. I can truly say marriage is amazing. Our relationships must be authentic and centered on Christ. Every other person is a third party

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