The Year 2020, started on a high for us. We had had a not so good 2019, and we prayed and trusted God that 2020 would be better. Things, (as we know now) got worse! I never, in my wildest dreams imagined that there would be a time I would be home for 6 months, just sitting down with no income and no place to go. During this time, one thing that God was teaching us was that, 2020 was all about God getting our attention. We had been too busy doing it, doing it, doing it, that we never paused and realised that God was there all this time patiently waiting for us to come home.
One of the things that God was pointing out especially in my life was that I had just one job and I was doing terribly failing at it (I will share about this later on in the post, hang in there!).
When Gathoni & I were newly married, life was great. I could not keep my eyes and hands (***hides) off her. We were always holding hands and making people around us very uncomfortable. One time we were at this doctor’s office seating at the reception, waiting our turn in the queue. We were so engrossed in each other, that we hardly noticed all the people around us. That is when the receptionist called Gathoni and told her that some of the other patients were complaining that we were making them uncomfortable, and if we did not control ourselves she may ask us to leave. (Oh my!)
As time went by, our attention slowly shifted from each other to the busyness of life & making a living. Before we knew it, the children came in quick succession and slowly we began drifting apart. Yes, we were married and loved each other, but there was so much happening that we never realised the chasm that was slowly developing between us. I developed an unhealthy obsession with work, while Gathoni got engrossed with the daily rigamarole of taking care of two toddlers and an infant. In the midst of it all, 2020 happened and God stopped us dead in our tracks. For 6 whole months, He had our full attention and one of the key lessons that Gathoni & I learnt is what we are am about to share here.
One day, I awoke with the strong sensation of reading Proverbs 3. The below verses caught my eye & I saw it in a light I had never seen before. God was saying this to me about my marriage to Gathoni….
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.Proverbs 3:3-4
God then proceeded to show me that He needed me to focus on only one thing and one thing only until the day that He would call me home. The one JOB as I called it. Just one. That I was to focus all my time, energy, resources & creativity on loving my wife Gathoni & being faithful to her. What!!!! Wait, What!
Didn’t God remember that He had blessed us with 3 kids also, who needed to eat, sleep, poop & go to school? What about bills? Rent? Fuel? Who would take care of all this while I, the bread winner, was busy focussed on “loving” my wife.
God then reminded me of the early days of our marriage and that specific story at the doctor’s office. He showed me yet another verse that stopped me dead in my tracks
Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.Malachi 2:13-14
That was it fam! that was the missing piece of the puzzle. I had been labouring and killing myself all this years at work, all the while the answer and key to my success, was with my wife. Allow me to explain this revelation to you.
All of us men, go out everyday to work hard and fend for our families. Our desire is to give them the best possible life, better than the one we had growing up. Though, as we are busy “working hard” we slowly drift away from our life partners and slowly the fire & love that was once there, begins to grow cold.
Temptation then begin to get the best of us, and we slowly find ourselves in unholy entanglements, struggling with pornography, masturbation and a host of other “Thorns in our flesh”.(As we like to call them at church). All this time, God up above is a witness to all this, and when you come to petition him for something then your prayers, dreams & aspirations are hindered. (Bounce off the ceiling, as Gathoni likes saying)
So, hence the admonition from the Lord. That as long as I focused (Intentionally) on loving Gathoni, my wife, and being faithful to her, then God will honour what it is that I ask in prayer. This was heavy! very heavy for me. I had never before seen it in this light. This was now my new job description (JD) and I realised simple as it was, it was the hardest job in the world. Why? because life is full of many distractions, there are so many things fighting for my attention and it had to take all my energy and concentration at all times to live out Proverbs 3:3-5.
So That Means You Just Stay Home & Love Each Other?
Not necessarily. I guess what the bible meant by this is that you just need to FOCUS. Make this the most important role that you have to play in your life. Interestingly, when we were dating, this was automatic, I thought about Gathoni all day, everyday! It was natural to me just like it was breathing. The thing is that now that we are married, it was no longer automatic, “WORK” had to go into it, that is what I call ‘Intentionality”.
I had to purpose every moment of everyday to keep Gathoni as the most important priority in my life, whether I was in a heated meeting or zip-lining over a forest!. Once I started to implement this principle, the results were amazing. I realised that the more I INTENTIONALLY thought of her, the more my actions & behaviour towards her changed. During the day, I had to look for creative and fun ways to communicate my love for her, and every-time I was around her, I served her and catered to her every need & desire.
It was & is a lot of work, a lot of HARD work. I kept missing the mark so many times, especially when the cares & worries of life take over. Every once in a while I am reminded of this and I fall down broken before God in prayer. Simply saying “Help Me Lord, I keep failing at this“.
I would love to humbly implore all the husbands reading this, not to take this lightly, but to join me in my life’s mission.
TO LOVE MY WIFE AND BE FAITHFUL TO HER.
The BEST thing is that you do not have to do it with your own strength or will-power, you will just fall short. God will help you, and if you can just go humbly everyday to God and ask Him to show you ways in which you can love your wife, He will do it.
So, What is my Wife’s Role Then?
Very good question!! Tomorrow (If God wills), I will cover the 2nd part of Eph 5:33. .
“..And the wife MUST respect her husband”.
I will share on this and how when two people love & respect each other then, nothing that they set to do will be impossible for them.
Stay blessed and kindly let me know of your thoughts in the comments below.
To God Be All Glory,
I am a disciple of Christ, passionate about serving God’s purpose to my generation. I am a husband to Gathoni Kiruthi and together God has blessed us with 3 amazing children