During our PMCC (Pre-marital counseling Class) our facilitator shared a very interesting story. Before he got married, he never had an issue with other women, his eyes were all for his wife to be. Though once he got married, it’s like the scales fell off his eyes, and for the 1st time, he could see 😂😂😂😂. There were beautiful women everywhere he looked. He wondered why had they now become visible all of a sudden. He told us to be very wary of this phenomenon!
At that time, we men in the class all laughed away that story. For me, it was unimaginable, ridiculous & ludicrous to say the least. I loved Gathoni so so much, I did not even know that other women existed in the globe! 😂😂😂😂 She was all I did see.
True to this story, just after we got married, the scales began falling from my eyes, and I was caught unprepared by what began to happen. I started noticing women everywhere, it’s like they came out of the woodwork. They were everywhere, in the supermarkets, in the streets, on the television, on the computer, and even on my phone. That is when I remembered the story by our facilitator and I kicked myself in the foot for dismissing that warning so casually.
And so began my battle with what I call the lust of the eyes. My wandering eyes were insatiable. They were like a monster than could never have enough. And the more I fed it, the bigger it grew and the crazier the demands it made. Reading the bible, I discovered that there was nothing new under the sun and this particular sin was very common to man, especially the male species.
King David was the most famous casualty of this sin. He was wandering on the palace roof one evening when he spotted a beautiful woman taking a bath. The rest they say is history, bad history to be specific. The story ended with a dead husband and an adulterous king.
His son Solomon, despite issuing many warnings in the Proverbs was also led astray by his lustful eyes. Listen to what he says here
For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her.Proverbs 7:26
He goes on to say this
Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.Proverbs 27:20
The eyes are never satisfied. They were always coming up with new and more dangerous levels (ways to sin). I realized that this was the foundation of all sexual sin. It all starts as a simple, harmless stare, and before you know it you are on the highway to hell. I realized that this was a very serious phenomenon that was sweeping across marriages and leaving many victims in its wake. As I studied this, I was astonished by what I uncovered.
The Marriage Vow
The genesis of all this was the marriage vow. As I mentioned, before Gathoni & I got married, it was never an issue, my eyes were all for her and hers was all for me. Though, after the wedding, everything changed, like night & day & now it was my biggest battle. I remembered that during our wedding day, the presiding minister asked me to repeat a certain vow, and this was the culprit.
…and forsaking all others, I promise to be faithful only to you, for as long as we both shall live.
That was it. I had made a vow, a promise before God and before men that I would now be faithful to & exclusive only for Gathoni. What I did not know was that the moment I made that vow, sin got an opportunity to come into my life and to test my commitment to my new bride. Hear what Paul says
On the contrary, I would not have known sin except through the law. For I would not have known covetousness unless the law had said, “You shall not covet.” 8 But sin, taking opportunity by the commandment, produced in me all manner of evil desireRomans 7:7-8
Crazy right? That means the moment I vowed to Gathoni that I would forsake all others and be faithful to her only, I unknowingly gave sin an open door into my life. As Paul said, it produced in him all manner of evil desire. Remember when Peter vowed that he was prepared to die for Christ? That very night, that vow was tested & when the cock crowed, he denied Jesus not once but three times!
That is the danger of vowing. Your vow must be tested by the fire. Just like during the days of Job, the devil asks God permission to test you just to see if you really mean what you meant. That is when I realized that our marriage vows were really important and if you are not prepared to be tested, then the bible says that it is better not to vow, or better yet not to get married!
Why The Husband?
When I was thinking about this question, God gave me the perfect answer. When you think about the animal kingdom, the male species is the one that is more beautiful and more appealing to the eye. The females are normally plain and unattractive. Thus God made the male species of the animal very beautiful and attractive for the purpose of catching the attention/eye of the female in order to reproduce.
For human beings, it is the opposite. The male is plain while the female is very attractive. The female has to be beautiful in order to catch the eye & attention of the male, so as to start the process of procreation. That is why the male is attracted by his eyes to the female. That was God’s ordained plan and He saw that it was good. The devil saw an opportunity here and used a good thing that God fashioned, to be a cause of pain & destruction in the institution of marriage.
This seemingly innocent sin of looking even caught the attention of Jesus. During his time, just like it is today, men thought it was normal & natural to look at a woman. That is why God made them so beautiful right?
Jesus brought a new perspective to this habit and equated it to sin, not just any sin but adultery, which was punishable by death. This is what he said
…but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heartMatthew 5:28
So, Jesus equated my staring to adultery? Like I went and slept with someone? I was floored. Was this a little too much? Jesus’ standard was just too high. That if you looked at a woman with lust you were guilty of adultery. I battled with this for a long time, it felt as if God was setting us men, up. It is He that made the woman beautiful and if I was attracted to her then I was guilty of sin. So, how was I supposed to live with almost 4 billion women on earth, I couldn’t just look away every time I saw a woman. It felt so unfair!
Jesus was absolutely right. What was so dangerous about the looking was not the act itself but what it led to. The devil was very smart, he never presents sin in its true state, he always sugarcoats it as something harmless at first. Hear what James says about it
Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.James 1:15
Simply put, my seemingly innocent stares would give birth to Sexual Sin e.g. sleeping with someone else, rape, incest, and the like. And in the end, it would lead to death. Death of my marriage, suicide, harm to other people, damaged children, a broken society et al. That even though I was ‘innocently’ sinning in private, it was never personal, it would, in turn, harm my spouse, children, and everyone around me. That is why Jesus equated looking with adultery. Its effects were one and the same.
Making A Covenant With My Eyes
For so long, I never understood why Job said this.
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.Job 31:1
If he was struggling with sexual sin, why did he make a covenant with his eyes? Why not his hands or even better, his loins? It puzzled me a lot until I came to understand how it all works. The eyes are the entry point of all sexual sin. If you can stop it from getting in, then you have stopped its effects. This is how to end the stronghold of sexual sin. Matthew tells us that;
“The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.
Job says he made a covenant. A covenant is a very strong binding agreement between two or more parties. Job did not simply tell or negotiate with his eyes, he made a covenant. Something like the marriage covenant. He took it very seriously because he knew the dangers that were there. I never took it seriously until I read this verse. And I would love every man whether married or not to get into this covenant too. It does not matter how strong a person you think you are, if Job and all his holiness took it this serious, then it’s time all of us did. The covenant is between, you, your eyes & God. God is always a witness and if you ask His help He will see you through it.
God Help Me
I soon realized that the battle with lust, was not one I would wage & win with my own strength. God had clearly instructed me to focus my entire life on loving Gathoni & being faithful to her. I knew that I could never love without being faithful (forsaking all others). It was the hardest job in the world and I knew that the only person who could help me was God. So every morning when I wake up, I say this silent prayer
Lord, help me to love Gathoni and to be faithful to her today. Keep my eyes and my desire for her only. And when I am weak, strengthen me, Lord.
I have found tremendous help & strength in God. Overcoming lust is difficult but there is absolutely nothing too hard for our God. To anyone out there fighting this good fight, here are the words God told Apostle Paul as he battled with his weaknesses:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong2nd Cor 10:9-10
To God Be All Glory,
I am a disciple of Christ, passionate about serving God’s purpose to my generation. I am a husband to Gathoni Kiruthi and together God has blessed us with 3 amazing children