There was a banger of a song, released by Missy Eliot & Timbaland in 2001, going by this title. When it came out then, we all laughed calling it ridiculous, what fool of a man is this who would last a minute in love making.
20 years later, this is the reality in many homes. Sex barely takes a minute, that’s if it ever happens at all. We have become an impatient generation, microwave generation we call it, why go for hours when you can get the same result in minutes.
This became my thinking in regards to sex. The destination (Big O) was what mattered. Because of our busy schedules, we had to find creative ways to find a shortcut, significantly reduce the journey and arrive to the destination faster. Living in this technological age messed up our thinking, we are constantly looking for better, faster & more efficient ways to do stuff and sex was no exception.
Love making has been reduced to a moment of pleasure, and we keep coming up with new ways to orgasm faster. I compare it to the scenic, 24 hour train ride in the 90s to Mombasa being reduced to an uneventful 45 minute flight in the 21st century. As long as you get to Mombasa we assure ourselves, is what matters. The end justifies the means.
A Moment Vs An Experience
The one minute sex escapades were ruining our sex life.
Sex started feeling more like an obligation rather than a pleasurable experience. It was something that we ‘had’ to do, as compared to something we enjoyed doing. When we read God’s Guide to Great Sex (a.k.a the Bible), two words kept popping up every time sex between a husband and wife appeared.
The words were PLEASURABLE & ENJOYABLE.
This was what God was thinking when he created love-making. It was meant to be a pleasurable and enjoyable experience between two married individuals. Our love-making sessions, were anything but pleasurable & enjoyable. In stead of doing it every time we got a moment, we kept postponing it until we had to do it. Like those dentist’s appointment. No one visits the dentists for leisure, the only thing that takes us there is a toothache that we are unable to ignore. That became our story, too when it came to sex.
God led Gathoni & I to read the Song of Solomon together. I would recommend this to any couple that is married or intends to get married. You will get to understand more of God’s intention for sex when you read the beautiful poetry between Solomon and his bride. It is definitely not a one-minute affair but a long drawn erotic experience. This blog is about some of the tips that we picked up from this story on how we can go back to the ol’ school way of love making and ditch this one-minute sexual moment.
The two lovers in the Song of Solomon, spend a lot of time looking at and admiring each other. Sight is extremely important when it comes to love making. Most of the love-making in homes happens in the pitch dark, sandwiched between thick layers of blankets and duvets (hahahahah). A husband and wife ought to enjoy each others bodies in their full nakedness. Dim the lights (if you have to) but do not turn them off please. Incorporate candles, lingerie, and please keep your bedroom neat. White, clean bedsheets are always a plus. Spend the first few minutes admiring each others nakedness, feasting your eyes on God’s beautiful masterpiece. For the husband’s this is the most important aspect of the sexual experience. Allow him, dear wives, to enjoy every piece of the landscape, the hills, the valleys and the rivers in-between. And when it comes to love making, please ladies do not come on-top with the duvet, you are not super-man!!!! We will cover this more in detail later.
Smell is the next important sense to take advantage of in the sexual experience. In the Song of Solomon, the two lovers describe each others beautiful scents, also the chambers of their bedroom was a cocktail of beautiful scents. Think about a massage parlour, the scents take you to a little heaven. One of the things that we adopted is to take a warm shower together before every love making session. If it has been a long and hot day, you can imagine how much dirt and odour you have picked up. Bad body odour & hygiene is at the top of the sexual turn offs. Also, brush your teeth to avoid any bad mouth odours, especially those morning ones or after dinner ones. On top of that, get a special soap & perfume with scents that have aphrodisiac properties. This is a topic that we will definitely explore in more detail later.
Touch is a tantalising sexual technique. Fore-play has become a word that I had a love-hate relationship with. The only problem was that it was very one sided. Touch is much more than just fore-play, it is the electric coming together of two bodies. One of the things that couples can take advantage of is frequent, deep & long hugs. Gathoni & I enjoy our hugs more when we are both standing facing each other. While on the bed you can also take advantage of ‘spooning’. Rubbing your feet together, is also up there in the touch spectrum. One of the best and most effective ways to use touch to heighten your sexual experience is to both give each other a deep sensual massage as part of the love making process. I always recommend that the wife starts with giving her hubby the massage and then the husband follows, since as we all know how it ends, the famous ‘Happy Ending’.
The words that Solomon and his lover exchange are enough to bring the dead back to life. ‘Dirty-talking‘ should be a must in every love making session. ‘Dirty’ does not necessarily mean using foul language, but it basically means telling your partner what you intend to do to them. Sight is to men what hearing is to women. Women crave to hear such words. Whisper in her ear while gentling nibbling her and gush over how desirable she is and how you are about to drive her way beyond her wildest fantasy. On top of this, bring some music into your chamber. Slow, sensual & tantalising music, please stay away from rap!
Taste is the final and one of the least used secrets to heighten your libidos. Anything that tantalises your taste buds is game. Sweets, chocolates, spices, honey or candy, nothing is off the list. Also, bring in some coffee or a sweet drink to rejuvenate each other in between the love making sessions. On top of that, when used well, the human tongue will drive any human up their wall. That is the story for another day though 🙂
In short, to enjoy and heighten your sexual experience, then all the 5 senses need to be engaged in your love making session. Sex is not just penetration, or a moment of orgasm. According to God’s intended plan, sex is a sensual and beautiful experience & the number 1 most pleasurable and enjoyable experience that two people in love can share. In case you have any more tips please share in the comments below and be our brother’s keeper.
To God Be All Glory
I am a disciple of Christ, passionate about serving God’s purpose to my generation. I am a husband to Gathoni Kiruthi and together God has blessed us with 3 amazing children