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During our Ruracio (traditional dowry ceremony), one of Gathoni’s neighbors sat us down and gave us some amazing advice. She told us that when we go for our honeymoon we should talk and agree on our own roles that we are each to play in our marriage. She told us that this was one of the most contentious issues in any marriage. They had received the same advice many years back when they got married and it had really helped their marriage.

So, when we got married and went for our honeymoon in Naivasha, we sat down and tried to understand this issue of roles. It was really confusing since we were torn between tradition and modernity. In the 19th & early 20th centuries, the roles were clearly defined, the woman was the home keeper while the man was the breadwinner. During the 2nd world war this changed though, the men were out fighting and the women had to go out to fend for their families.

So, Gathoni & I were thus confused. In the 21st century, what were the roles of the husband and wife? I obviously knew that Gathoni was not my house-help, she was my wife now. And the unfortunate or fortunate thing was that none of us had been married before, so we had completely no idea how to divide and choose the roles.

Our grandparents had their roles & responsibilities already cut out for them. They simply just fell into them, it was a no-brainer. The wife stayed at home while the husband went out to work. My cucu, birthed and brought up the children & took care of them while guka went to fend for his young family. Everyone kept to their lane and their marriage thrived. Today though things are different. Gathoni & I both went to work, we were both tired at the end of the day. So, whose responsibility was it to cook & clean? When the kids come, who will be the primary caregiver? So many questions so much confusion.

So, along the years we stumbled, fumbled, and crossed the murky lines of roles & responsibilities. We have had to find our own way of doing life together. When we started off our marriage, Gathoni & I both photographed weddings together, she was my sidekick and business partner. It was great, we savored the moments we spent together even though we fought so much and our differences in opinion grew by the day. When we got home we were both so tired. I shuffled off to the computer to edit pictures while Gathoni fixed us a hot meal. Luckily, when we could afford some hired help, we got some and this eased the burden off each other.

Things changed quite a bit when the babies started coming. It was becoming increasingly difficult to travel & shoot with an infant and we finally decided that Gathoni would stay home during the early years of the children to bring them up. It was hard at first but thank God, I too was home a lot and could help wherever I could. Though, as time wore on, we really questioned this role thing and we were very curious what the word of God had to say about the role & purpose of the woman in the home.

Our inquisitiveness led us to Genesis 2…this is what the bible has to say about Woman

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

But for Adam, no suitable helper was found.

So, the word of God was telling us that God made Gathoni as a ‘Suitable helper‘ to me since God saw that it was not good for me to do this work alone. Huh? So that means that there was some work that I was supposedly supposed to be doing and God gave me a wife who was suitable to my needs.

As we have mentioned in the before posts, we realized that the reason we were having difficulties in our marriage was because of a lack of wisdom or knowledge. The bible says that ‘My people perish because of lack of knowledge‘. Everybody we spoke to or met had their own definition of the role of a woman, that is why we had to go back to the source/creator so that we can find out his original intention of creating this beautiful species known as the woman.

What Work?

So, as I mentioned before, Gathoni was made to help me in doing some work that I could not be able to do all by myself. That was God’s intention. So what was this ‘Work’ that I needed help in doing? Definitely, it was not housework. I was doing great before I married her, it was not that overwhelming that I needed someone to be created to help me do it. So, Gathoni’s purpose was definitely something greater, and when we went to the word of God, we found our answer.

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 1:28

Oh yes, yes, yes! That was IT! we finally found it. God blessed them, (The man & the woman), BOTH OF THEM. The role of dominion and rulership was given to the couple. So, God basically made Gathoni & I to be partners in our mandate of rulership, basically taking over the world. She was made for more than house chores and bringing up children, she was made to partner with me and together we would subdue/take over the earth.

That was God’s mandate/ the manufacturer’s intention when he made this wonderful invention known as a woman. Interesting right? How come no one ever told us this when we got married.?

God showed me this example.

His mandate for us was to start a company that would take over the world. So, he sent me a COO (Chief Operations Officer) to assist me in running the company. The COO came fully loaded with intelligence, intuition, imagination, and a degree from a leading university. All this was to assist me in running the company. When this new employee came, I immediately relegated her to the cleaning department. Her work would be to clean, mop the floors, make tea and run errands. The company obviously did not succeed, its doors closed and we had to fire everyone. When I went back crying to God, He told me

“Didn’t I send you Gathoni from heaven, to be your partner & helper? All you saw in her was someone to do your cleaning, yet she was fully equipped to help you. You and her were to become one team, and that team’s mandate was to dominate and take over the world!

This revelation absolutely shocked Gathoni & I. Here we were, fumbling through life, while the secret & key to our success was there all along. Definitely house chores and raising up kids is not a bad thing, but it’s not the main thing. God showed us that every couple’s mandate is different and specific. Some will be to form companies that will change the world, others will be to lead nations, others will be preachers, others CEOs. That is why every man is given a wife SUITABLE to his needs. She comes fully equipped with different gifts to help them fulfill together the mandate God has for them.

God willing soon enough, we will share about How to discover your mandate as a couple. And how both of you can share in the roles in order to fulfill the plan & purpose God has for you. Remember EACH & EVERY couple has a SPECIFIC mandate/mission that they are to fulfill here on earth. Unfortunately, very few actually discover it, and even fewer accomplish it during their lifetime. It is our hope and prayer that we will all get to identify & fulfill our WORK and when the end comes we will say like Jesus, IT (the work/mandate/mission) IS FINISHED.

We leave you with these words of Prophet Jeremiah

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Glory Be to God,

The Kiruthis


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Comments

  • HALIMA
    Reply

    you guys should just have a pre-marital counselling class session already this wisdom oozing eeeiiiihh

  • Anne
    Reply

    Am learning quite alot in your articles… God Bless.

  • Liz
    Reply

    Wow, what a read. Thanks for sharing. In particular I like your definition of the woman as a helper and how you state the part about both man and woman were given the role to rule over and subdue the creation

  • Angela Wanyoike
    Reply

    Women are made to be a helper in the aspect of a vision, not house chores and other menial tasks only. Thank you for sharing.

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