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Do, I have to tell you every time that I love you?” , I constantly quipped to my wife, Gathoni. “I have never stopped loving you, and in any case I do, you will be 1st in line to find out”.
Such conversations starred frequently in our pillow talk nights at the end of long dreary days. I always wondered why she had to bring this up every time. Gathoni kept telling me that she did not feel as if I loved enough her as I claimed numerously in our late night convos. I was always at a loss on what to do, what was I doing that was giving these ‘unloving’ vibes?

The Love Commandment

When I looked up the bible for a solution, I realised I was not the only male species struggling with this persistent annoying issue (Nagging wife syndrome, I called it). Apostle Paul, in his many discourses on marriage, frequently commanded the man to love his wife. I thought it was a pretty obvious fact to warrant this much airtime in the holy scriptures.
I loved Gathoni, in fact that is the sole reason why I married her. Why did this great Apostle insist so much on a man loving his wife? The only reason may be that this ‘loving’ thing may be one of the most misunderstood topics when it came to marriage. I decided to pray and ask the holy spirit for some guidance in this issue.
Why it is so hard to love a Woman
The bible compares a woman to the church. I found this particularly interesting. Paul commands the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. The church is a very difficult ‘persona’ to love. In fact, the church actually crucified Christ. It was the biggest hindrance to Jesus’s ministry, causing Him so much hurt and pain. Finally, the religious leaders, infamously paid one of his disciples 30 pieces of silver to betray him. That is what Paul compares a woman to.
So, the reason why a man is commanded to love a woman, is because loving a woman is one of the most difficult attempts to undertake. In fact, it should be top 5 in the 1,000 ways to die list. Hehehe, it caused Jesus His life, and He still continues to love the church to date.
I loved that Paul did not command us men to understand our wives. Jesus interestingly asked His father at the cross to forgive them (the religious leaders) because they did not know what they were doing! How, now? They knew very well what they were doing, crucifying an innocent man who had done no sin. Jesus did not try to understand why, He just loved the church all the same.

Love Her In spite of

So, Paul was urging me, not to try to understand Gathoni, but to love her. To love her in spite of all her shortcomings (which were so many), to love her when she was moody, when she ticked me off, to love her even during those times when I did not feel attracted to her. I was to love her in spite of everything because that is how Jesus loved and continues to love me.

When A Man Loves A Woman

Paul continues to say that that love cleanses and purifies her,just like what Christ does to the impure church. Basically, my love for my wife will purify and cleanse her. There is no woman in the world more beautiful than a woman who is loved right. She glows like the sun, there is a swing in her step, a bounce in a hair and she looks like she is breathing her own special air. That is why Paul commanded me to love my wife. For my own benefit because all that yumminess would be for me and only me to enjoy. (Slurrrp)
So, all this time during our late night pillow talks, Gathoni was just crying for help. She did not just want me to tell her (talk is cheap) but to live it out everyday. She wanted love to speak out of my actions, my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions and my dreams. That was her oxygen, and every time I withheld my love, I was stepping on her throat, cutting off her air supply.
So, fellas, please learn from my mistakes. She is definitely not nagging you, she just needs a little bit more loving. That is all that she needs, and you will be amazed at the transformation that you see in her. Remember this wonderful verse .

‘These 3 things will last forever; Faith, Hope & Love, but the greatest of all (GOAT) is LOVE!

(1st Corinthians 13:13)

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  • Evalyne Kavindu

    Very interesting story, Gathoni should also have her segment to talk to us ladies.

  • Jacinta Chege

    Beautiful beautiful article. I wish my husband would even try take his time to read this….Le me just share with him and hope he truly reads.

  • Anonymous

    A message full of wisdom

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