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Growing up, there was no topic more taboo-ish than sex. That song, Let’s talk about Sex’, by Salt-N-Pepa, was so wrong, you knew you were headed straight to hell just thinking about it. I only wish we did, talk about sex, that is. It would have saved a lot of hurt ache to our future selves.

The only thing we were told about sex, was that it was wrong. The ‘wrongest’ thing that you ever could do, was do it. And as a Christian growing up in the 90’s in Kenya, sex was associated with HIV and those scary STDs. Several times in primary school, we would be huddled into the school hall and forced to watch some nauseating video on the effects of STDs on the sexual organs. It scarred me for life. Those NGOs instilled the fear of hell in all of us. Indulge in sex young man, and you would sure feature in the next season of those videos, they seemed to tell us.

And the church was even worse. Those seminars during the school holidays that we were forced to attend, preached on how to stay away from anything that had a hint of sex. It was so confusing, because at that time we were having all these wild desires that we could not just wish away. I knew then that they had been sent straight from the pit of hell to destroy me, oh my, I thought that there was something wrong with me. And that same scenario replayed itself until I was 30, a few weeks from marrying the love of my life and the tune of this message suddenly changed.

Sex is Good

All of a sudden, the church minister, the counsellor, the uncles and my peers started having these very awkward conversations with me about sex. I was now about to get married they told me, it was time to finally prove my manhood and they even hinted that 10 months after the wedding they wanted to see some fruit of our labour. It was all so so confusing. How could something that for 30 years had been so evil, dirty and uncouth suddenly become soo good.

My mind could not take it all.

They all told me that I would figure out what to do once I got there. There had been no preparation, no lessons on expectation, not even a road map on how to do it. On the other hand, my soon to be wife, Gathoni was being invited by some women groups, the women at church and all her mama’s chamas and they all bombarded her by scanty information on sex. Awkward is even an understatement.

She was now expected to became a sex goddess over night and drive her husband up the wall for the rest of his life. It was laughable to say the least. One of the leaders of the women’s group at church even pulled out a well worn copy of ‘Kamasutra’ illustrated from her hand bag, and proceeded to give Gathoni a crush course on sex positions. Gathoni wished the floor would swallow her!

Sex is Natural

And so, society expected us to become sex-masters overnight. They kept on telling us that sex is natural, just like breathing, you would know what to do once you got there. The truth is that, there could not have been anything further from the truth.

How would it be natural when we had spent our entire lives fearing and avoiding sex with every fibre of our being?

And also, I realised that our lack of information in regards to sex was alarming. We had literally no idea what to do. And the only natural place to go looking for such information and knowledge was blogs, youtube and yes, porn. Just imagine two grown-up, spirit filled individuals, scouring the lewd wide world web in search of information in regards to sex. No wonder why the devil and his legions of demons gained quick access into our young marriage.

Sex in the Bible

Unlike society & the church, the bible is very explicit when it comes to the topic of sex. In fact, Jesus, the apostle Paul, Adam and even God Himself said that the only reason to get married is to have SEX. Nothing else.

And sex is the most beautiful and glorious thing that two humans could ever indulge in. The bible is the most sensual book I have ever read, it is full of explicit and deep descriptions of the act of sex between a married couple. Yet, my friends, the bible is literally God-breathed, inspired by the creator himself. God revealed this verse to Gathoni & I, in a new light recently

For THIS reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(Genesis 2:24)

The bible never says that they will become one spirit, or one soul, but one flesh, the joining together of two bodies. So, the reason why Gathoni & I left our folks, is simply to have sex. That is the reason and the only reason. If a husband and wife do not have sex and plenty of sex, then the purpose of marriage is defeated and they should forget about ever becoming one.

The only problem is that there is no sex happening in marriages. I heard somewhere that over 50% of marriages all over the world are SEXLESS marriages (Have sex less than 10 times in a year). Can you imagine that? More than half of the world’s marriages have sex less than 10 times in a year! That is why the marriage institution is taking the biggest hit in all history today. As long as there is no sex there is no oneness!

Looking back into the African culture, the young men and women were thoroughly prepared throughout their entire life on what to do once they got married. The lived their entire life looking forward to get married and finally put into practise all they had learnt and heard about sex between a man & his wife.

It is time, I believe, that we start ‘Talking about Sex’. It cannot be ignored any longer or swept under the carpet of ‘evil’ any more. God invented sex, and it is the most beautiful thing that any two humans could ever engage in.

Let’s start having these conversations once again!

To God Be All Glory

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  • Daniel Kinuthia

    You just hit the nail on the head on that. It’s TRUE, sex in marriage nowdays, is basically when it fits your schedule and mood. And it is sad that we raising a generation that we will have to teach them about sex. There is lack of oneness in marriages, and this breaks down communication, trust and alot of things in marriage including infidelity. We need to talk about sex all the time with our spouses.

  • Mrs. Kirui

    Profound. Very helpful information to us in marriage.

  • Anonymous

    So much truth in one blog

  • Anonymous

    You have spoken want many of us suffer in silence. Thank God for using you.
    God bless you

  • Anonymous

    I don’t agree with you on this one, sex is no reason for leaving one’s folks, also sex is spiritual not just physical. Sex was meant for procreation and bonding between husband and wife.

  • Anonymous

    So true,we’ve been told how bad sex is for years then expected to unlearn that in a few weeks or months.

  • Muthoni

    You nailed it,it is rather unfortunate the road the church has taken on teaching abstinence of sex. It affected me and does to date.

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