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This is the continuation of Part 1 that we started yesterday about overcoming ‘Secret Sin’. In case you have not read it then you can check it out here.

God is faithful, and nothing that He does in us and through us in vain. God convicted us to share our story because He knew that it would help someone out there. Stuck in the vicious cycle of sin and looking for a way out. This is for those spouses stuck in a difficult marriage and wondering if there will ever be salvation for the pain that they are going through. God is a God of second chances and there is no situation, however challenging, that is too difficult for Him to change.

For so long, Gathoni and I felt powerless, as I struggled with my ‘secret sin’ and came up with creative ways to cover it up. I always figured that this was my ‘battle’ and I would someday win it. Only until, God called me out and used an incredible preacher, Michael Todd, to point us in the right direction. This is what the Lord placed in our hearts, and I pray that it will begin the process of recovery & restoration for any couple going through the difficulties that we went through.

CONFESSING TO YOUR WIFE

This is the 1st and most important step in the recovery and restoration process. God reminded us of this bible verse

And you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

A very simple but powerful verse. That the only way to be set free from the powerful grip of sin is by telling the truth, the WHOLE truth, and NOTHING but the truth. By far this was the most difficult step for me. The reason is that it is always so difficult to come clean and be completely naked to the person who knows you the most. I felt that if Gathoni knew the real me (Not the one I showed the world), the true me, then she would despise me & reject me and I would be unable to recover from that.

So, when God told me that the 1st person I needed to come clean to was my wife, I was tempted to pull a Jonah and jump out of the ship (Relation-ship) 😂😂😂😂. Everything in me fought it, but God told me, that I would never be free until the whole truth was out. So, one morning I sat Gathoni down and told her everything. Even the parts that I was most ashamed of. Both what was done to me, and what I did myself. EVERYTHING.

The best thing was that I felt like someone had just lifted a heavy load off my chest. All the pain & hurt from all those years was lifting, and for the 1st time in my life, I felt liberated. As I sat across the woman I loved most in all the world and opened up my heart, God began the healing process for both of us. Here is a truth from the word of God

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6

And then again one of my favourite verses

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

John 1:4

This basically means that Jesus Christ is the truth. He is the Way, the Truth & the Life. So when He says that you shall know the truth, it simply means that you shall know Jesus. And in Jesus was the “LIGHT” of all mankind. Sin thrives & grows in darkness. And the only way to KILL sin is to expose it to light. God gave me this analogy.

Imagine walking down a corridor to the very last room. You open the door and the room is dark. So, you switch on the light and all the darkness disappears. For so long, I had attempted to use a bucket to empty the darkness out of the rooms in my life, (silly right? 🙈🙊) but that was it. God showed me that the only way I could overcome the addiction to sin was by telling the truth. And the truth would finally set me free!

The Role of The Wife:

A lot of wives face frustration in attempting to convict the sin in the spouse using their own methods.

I had mentioned in yesterday’s post that Gathoni resorted to playing the Private Investigator. Other wives confront their husbands with evidence in the sincere hope that they will realize their sin & repent. Nothing can be further from the truth. Only the Holy Spirit can be able to convict someone to change. The grip of sin is so powerful, that the more you confront it, the more it will create new ways to hide & morph.

The holy spirit convicted me, no one else did. I would ask the wives to stop fighting this battle with carnal & physical weapons and fight it on their knees. Go ask God to help you save your husband and save your marriage. Let Him do the job as He is the creator of your husband. Paul gave the perfect solution in these verses

For though we live in the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh. The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2nd Corinthians 10:3-5

Get off Your High Horse!

There is nothing more appalling than a judgemental wife. As I mentioned yesterday, you may be tempted to think “Why is my husband so weak, why can’t he be like me? It only takes a wee bit of self-control🤏”.

Remember the parable Jesus gave in Luke 18 of the Pharisee & the Publican (Tax collector). Both of these men went up to the temple to pray. The Pharisee prayed “Lord, I thank you that I am not like other people, even like this publican here who sins so easily”. While the Publican stood at a distance, would not even look up and beat his chest saying, “Forgive me Lord, for I am a sinner“. Jesus says that the Publican went home justified (right before God) while the Pharisee did not.

Take some time too and ask the Lord to forgive you and humble you. We ALL sin, just differently. So, it does not mean that your husband’s sin is worse. Instead, give him a safe space for him to come confess to you. Do, not judge him or hold up your nose in disgust. Rather, love on him and hold him in your arms. Let all that hurt and tears flow from his soul, let him know that you are with him in this and that you will overcome it together. I remember that night lying in bed with Gathoni and she told me, thank you for sharing your heart and vulnerability with me. It felt so so good 👫😭.

PRAYER AND FASTING

God then led us to pray and especially fast about it. At first, I did not see the significance of fasting as I thought that it was just an over-spiritualized way the church used to make everyone feel like they did not match up as they all did. This is when a friend explained it to me simply and plainly.

When you fast and deny your body food & other things that it is used to, you are building resistance against temptation. The same way that you will ignore the hanger pangs & the demands that your body craves for, is the same way you will be able to resist the urge to fall back to your old habits. I had never seen fasting in such a practical sense before. Fasting is denying your flesh control over your body, and it gives you the stamina you need to overcome temptation when it knocks on your door.

Jesus Tempted in the Wilderness

Think about it this way. Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness.

That is when the devil got the brilliant idea to go tempt him, thinking that because He was hungry, then He was most vulnerable. Little did he know that Jesus had spent 40 days denying His flesh control over his body. So, when the devil came, Jesus was at His peak and resisted the devil. This just shows the importance of fasting.

Likewise, even though fasting has a lot of spiritual benefits, it has a lot of physical benefits too. And lastly, when you pray, offer your body to God as an instrument to righteousness. Let God have it all, EVERYTHING. Every part of you, surrender it to Him. Romans 6 puts it so beautifully

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. For sin shall no longer be your master because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Romans 6:12-14

ACCOUNTABILITY

This is the last and final stage of overcoming the hold of ‘Secret Sin’

When you begin to walk in this new way, you will need to find people who will hold you to account, walk with you, and whom you will be responsible to. God led me to a few of my good friends with whom I opened a WhatsApp group and I shared my struggle. At first, I was like, no Lord…how will I ever face these guys again, since now they know that I am not as straight & honest as I claim to be 😪 💔

God told me that I could either be proud or healed, no two ways about it. All the people that Jesus healed had to come to him, humble themselves and ask God to heal them. God showed me how my desire to look & live up to my ‘Doing-well’ status was keeping me away from my redemption. Remember the 1st step towards recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), is to stand before the crowd and admit that you are powerless before alcohol & that your life has become unmanageable! Basically admit that you need HELP!

Accountability means being vulnerable, and accepting correction and rebuke. Accountability means you will be brutally honest about the journey to recovery & restoration. Accountability means you will tell them when you fall and especially when you are struggling. Accountability means you will not have to walk alone but will have people to hold you up and encourage you as you heal. You will need to be accountable to your wife especially and also to your group of partners.

You will need to remove from your life the things/places/people that remind you of your old life. It will be a painful surgery, I guarantee you, but one that is absolutely necessary. You will have to give access to every area of your life, no more passwords, secret friends, websites, or mysterious rendezvous. Most importantly, you will need to forgive all those people who have hurt you, forgiveness is the 1st step towards healing.

Remember, the only way to chase away darkness is to put on the light. That is accountability, casting a light on those very dark & hidden areas of your life.

The Long Road to Recovery & Restoration

Once you start doing these things I promise that you will start to overcome. Tearing & pulling down strongholds that have taken years to establish will not be easy. The flesh will definitely fight back & kick hard. Remember the last kicks of a dying horse are usually the strongest. It is a long, winding & difficult road, but it is possible.

Make Jesus a close companion throughout this journey that you are embarking on. He understands and is familiar with your pain.

I leave you with this very words of Jesus Christ

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

To God Be the Glory

The Kiruthis


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